The Essence of Me

And then there he was, smiling at me, talking with me again… and I was transported to happier, more innocent times. To be with him again, even for just a little while filled me with an inner peace and a quiet happiness… such as I have never felt in a long while. He always had that power over me… to make me happy and content even without saying or doing anything. Just to be in his presence is enough.

I thought it was love that was hurting me this past month… after seeing him again, i realized, now, this is love. What was hurting me was not love, but pride. I could not accept the fact that I was no longer wanted or needed.

With him, it was different. I loved him with all my heart and soul, and never expected anything in return. I hoped, of course, but even when my hopes were not realized I never became bitter. I never blamed him, or felt bad about myself. The memories I have of him continue to comfort me in my loneliness.

I felt love only once. All other relationships and feelings I might have had cannot compare with what I’ve felt for him. I opened myself up to other relationships because I wanted to feel loved and cherished. That was selfishness. In loving, we do not seek to gain, but to give.

I am no longer the silly, lovestruck girl I was before. I am a lot wiser now and my feelings for him no longer bear the passion of youth. I love him in a calm, quiescent way… content to let him find his own way to love, and even if the road does not lead him to me, as long as he is happy I will be happy for him.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.