Still Crying
November 9, 2005 by edzguanko
Have I been too hasty? This afternoon I finally took that long-awaited leap but instead of the relief I was expecting, I felt nothing but grief and regret. I have left a big part of me, and it feels as though I won’t be able to continue functioning. I was crying last night and I was crying today… I’m still doing the same thing, only the venue changed.
To the few who knew what I was going through, they told me that this is the best thing to do. They said I was brave and strong. But deep in my heart, I know that I’m not. I haven’t spent a whole day here and yet, thoughts of going back fill my mind and my heart. I’m ready to go back and just bear the pain of being second best. I’m ready to swallow my pride to be with this one person, and just accept whatever role I must play.
I wish I could be stronger and braver. I wish it doesn’t matter to me that this person let me go so easily. I wish it doesn’t hurt as much as it does. But wishes are for fools. Because I’m not strong and brave. And it hurts like hell that this person was able to let me go.
