The Essence of Me

Kung Wala Ka by HALE

I didn’t like this song at first, but it kind of grew on me. The more I listen to it, the more I am struck by the sadness of the song. Not just the lyrics, mind you, but also the way it was sung. So… poignant. It gives me the image of a life falling apart little by little… now it’s weird that I feel so linked to this song when I’m anything but lonely. Perhaps, if I was the old me, like the me a few months back… this song would have been perfect. I guess this song just appealed to me because I am a self-confessed drama queen.

Why is that? I think I’ve already admitted the fact that I have a tendency to dramatize my life. It’s not something I’m proud of but it’s a great way to break the monotony of everyday life. Believe me, I wasn’t aware I was doing it. I just thought that everything was really only happening to me. Questions like Why am I Lonely? Why me? Why am I alone? Why can’t he love me? I still remember listening to the radio, feeling that every song was written for me… or watching a movie and saying to myself one day, I’ll meet someone like that guy there, someone who’ll discover how wonderful I am, and will love me forever.

Well, there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic and don’t think that I’ve become cynical about love. It’s just that I’ve realized a few things since I started this new life and I guess these helped give me a more mature outlook on love.

I only fell in love once. At that time, I was so heartbroken because this guy cannot love me back. I was thinking that, if he’d only let me, I can make him happy. I was desperate to have someone to love that when this other person came along and made me feel  special, I went for it. A classic example of being in a relationship for all the wrong reasons… and I’ve paid dearly for it.

So what have I learned?

- You don’t go looking for love. When it’s time, love will find you.

- It’s not a burden to be single and unattached.. It is a luxury that you should enjoy and it will give you a chance to get to know yourself, find your niche in this world.

- Life is too short… if you like someone, tell that person. Not because you’re expecting an answer, but just because you wanted to let him know that you appreciate him as a person. Don’t worry that he might take it the wrong way. If he does, then good for you. At least you know he’s not worth liking. I did it twice and it felt great.

- Never ever be afraid to date. Although this one, I have yet to put into practice. I’ve always been a scaredycat when it comes to dating. I feel like there are a lot of expectations when you go out on a date, and that if it doesn’t work out it’ll be my fault. I guess that explains why at my age, I haven’t gone out on a single date. When somebody asks me out, I always make excuses. Never again. I need to quit worrying about what the other person thinks of me and just have fun.

- Learn to balance. when you’re in a relationship your tendency is to spend all your free time with your partner. I know, I know, you can’t help it. You just have to be with him every minute and every second of the day, as the song goes. I assure you, that would be the greatest mistake of your entire life. Never ever take your friends for granted. Spend time with them, appreciate them. Besides, if you take your friends for granted because of your partner, chances are you’ll expect your partner to do the same. Then you’ll get bored with one another and eventually break up. Sorry, I guess I’m being a bit harsh.

- Never ever back out on a kiss. You’ll regret it, I promise. I did it twice and regretted it both times.

- Finally, something I picked up from a text message… there are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other. Don’t go looking for this ideal man you have in mind. Just relax and let fate work it out for you. I’m sure God has someone wonderful in store for you… someone who’ll complement you and bring out the best in you. After all, that’s what love is supposed to do… bring out the best in each of us.