The Essence of Me

I was lying on my bed last night, not really thinking, just letting whatever thoughts that come to my mind marinate. I thought about my family, finances, love, LET, the weather, books I want to buy, movies I want to watch, energy from hydrogen (this was from a Keanu Reeves film I watched on HBO earlier), and other random things.

Then I thought of the things I want to accomplish this year, and I was suddenly frightened at the thought that here I am, already twenty-five years old (this august), and still stuck in rut. I regretted not finishing my course on time, and not taking my studies seriously. I was an absentee student, and those hours I could have spent learning were just wasted on unnecessary sleep, malling, talking nonsense with friends, reading fiction, and filling my mind with useless fantasies.

I can’t turn back time. So my only option if I want to change my life is to stay focused. Now is the time to be an adult. Do I waste my time thinking about things that could have been, or do I take the necessary actions to shape my future? I am through daydreaming. I am tired of thinking that someday I’ll be a better person. I don’t want to wake up and realize that I’m old and miserable because I wasn’t able to do the things I want to do.

I believe that each of us has been given an ounce of greatness, and it is up to us to nurture that. Me, I do not hope to be great. But I will do the best I can, and hope to be at least good. I owe that to myself. So when I’m old and dying, I could look back in my life, smile, and say, "I can’t top that!"