The Essence of Me

It’s been a while since I posted something here. A lot has happened since then and I don’t even know where to begin. I find myself grasping for the right words and struggling for coherence. Each night for two weeks now I sat in front of my laptop, wanting to update my blog and not being able to do so. Here, in Olongapo, away from the hustle and bustle of the Metro, I am trying again. Where should I begin?

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It’s surprising that only after five months I’ve come to look at my colleagues as my second family. When we were still in training, I never imagined that these people would mean a lot to me. Back then, it was just a job, and they’re merely my co-workers. Now, everything’s changed. I have come to love and value them for the wonderful persons that they are. And I know that although it all started at HSBC, the bond we all share now extends beyond the four walls of our office.   

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I feel a little guilty for feeling burnt-out. The stress is getting to me and I admit, it’s affecting my performance. Good thing I love my company and the people I work with, otherwise I might have been tempted to resign. I already started teaching and my load at school is very light. But still, it is getting to me. Or maybe, I just need to get used to it.

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That’s why I am so grateful that I was able to take a breather. I’m on leave, and it gave me a chance to see my family. My niece is absolutely perfect! She’s so smart and pretty, although she can be a handful sometimes. I’m enjoying my time here, and how I wish I could stay longer. But I have to go back to Manila tomorrow.

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Two people closest to my heart finally realized that they are meant to be. A fact that I’ve known (and I always told them so) since we were college freshmen. I couldn’t contain myself when I got the news, and I’m just so, so happy! Although, I’m a bit scared that they might just be joking about it, because they knew how much we wanted them to be together. Well, I’ll know tomorrow for sure.

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Something happened to me, and I still don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I found myself hopelessly infatuated (the perfect word for what I feel) with someone. The realization was very unexpected for a number of reasons I do not want to discuss. Bottomline is, I found myself strongly attracted to someone against my will, not to mention against my better judgment. So now, I’ve got a bit of a problem. I can’t avoid this person because it would be unfair and unkind. And frankly, I don’t even want to. But whenever I’m with him we become closer to each other. And we’re both very sweet by nature, and that is a big problem. And I’m not even sure he’s aware of what’s happening.

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Maybe I am thinking too much. People tell me to just go with the flow, and where it leads me does not matter. What matters is I’ve enjoyed the ride and experienced every little feeling it brings.

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Forgive me if this post seems to be disjointed, and if I jump from one thought to the other. I’ll write better next time, promise.