The Essence of Me

This weekend positively sucked. And boy, am I glad it’s over!

I know, I know. I should be happy about having time off work but truth is, weekends make me realize how much I miss being with someone romantically. Too much time on my hands is bad for me, because I get restless and lonely.

Well, I did try to get busy. I really did.

Yesterday, I went to my favorite clothes shop in Kamuning, then picked up my remaining stuff in Philcoa. After I dumped my stuff at home, I visited a friend of mine. At 8:40 PM, I was in SM North, waiting for two of my former dormmates so we could do some catching up. Then, my roommie and I had a heavenly massage at my favorite spa. Then I went online and chatted with my favorite aunt. Finally, at around 4:00 AM, Sunday, I fell asleep.

Today, I woke up at 4:00 PM and went to church. Then I had an absolutely late lunch in KFC. I went home, brought my dirty clothes to the laundry shop, took a bath, and decided to see the last full show of 1408. It was scary! I regretted going to the movies alone. Sure, I loved 1408 (it scared the bejeezus out of me) but there’s something about watching movies alone that screams pathetic.

Maybe I am getting old. I used to love going to the movies alone. I used to love doing a lot of things alone. I used to enjoy solitude. Now, the enjoyment seems superficial. Deep inside, there’s this utter feeling of aloneness, of hopelessness.

I hope this is just a phase. I don’t want to get into a relationship for the sake of quenching this stupid need for company, for intimacy. I mean, look at Carrie. She loved Big but she was able to go out with other men and enjoy it. Maybe I should do the same. Maybe it’s time to go back to the dating scene.

Especially when I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been out on a real date.