Mood: Calm
Listening to: I Just Don’t Know What to do with Myself (Dusty Springfield)
I am feeling a lot better today.
Last night, I cried myself to sleep. It’s so difficult to hold yourself together, to pretend that everything is all right… I guess it took its toll on me, after a week of trying not to break down in front of my friends. So I spent my entire Saturday crying, sleeping, and thinking.
And I feel like I’ve achieved some clarity.
I am being selfish by being sad. He says he needs some time alone, and there’s no reason for me to feel hurt. It’s just so hard, when you’ve gotten so used to his company, when you’ve gotten used to doing almost everything together, that the sudden shift in our friendship just threw me totally off balance. And I guess, it’s even harder for me because I love him. So I was plagued with questions, thinking I must have done something wrong, well in fact, all of us need some "alone time" from time to time. Maybe he is going through something that I can’t be part of. And as his friend, I need to respect that.
I should never, ever let my feelings for him color our friendship. It’s hard, but from now on, I’ll try harder.
It’s just that, I miss him so damn much.
“The magic of love — who could ever describe it..? Certainty of having found the one destined for us by nature, sudden light shed upon itself and apparently explaining its mystery, unsuspected value conferred upon the most trifling circumstances, flying hours whose details elude the memory through their very sweetness…”
eloquently described! love is, indeed, magic