The Essence of Me

Sitting here beside the window with a view of the parking lot below, the beautiful orange glow from the streetlamps giving it a dream-like look, a gentle breeze ruffles the curtains and the only sounds I hear are the ticking of the clock, the distand hum of vehicles passing by, and the tap-tap of my fingers on the keyboard. It’s so peaceful tonight, and the cool air reminds me of home. This time of the year it’s cold in Cabanatuan, and we can sleep without turning the electric fans on. It would even be quieter and cooler there. I close my eyes and imagine myself sitting on the makeshift bench just across the road from our house, listening to the leaves rustling in the breeze. At 12:24 A.M. the road would almost be completely empty. I’d sit in that bench and think. But what would I think about? Love? No, not that. I got my closure and I’m recovering surprisingly fast. Work? No way, I wouldn’t waste a beautiful night thinking about something that already takes up too much of my time. Family? Maybe. Maybe I’d think about how to overcome the disappointments, the hurt, the bitterness … a friend once told me that one shouldn’t give too much or it would turn to resentment. Maybe he’s right. Or maybe, I am expecting too much.

Or maybe, sitting on that bench I wouldn’t have to think at all. Maybe I would just close my eyes, listen to the wind, empty my thoughts and emotions, and just let the peace engulf me.

Maybe I’d do just that when I go home.