The Essence of Me

I woke up just in time for my daily meeting with my boss, and I think it’s a great start for the week Mondays are really hard, and I’m sure most working people would agree with me. It’s that day of the week when you’re split… your mind knows that it’s the start of another work week, but your body feels like it’s still Sunday and your bed looks more inviting than usual (especially when it’s raining, like today!).

So here I am, too distracted to work but too full of energy to lie down and sleep… and also too lazy to do something about being distracted =P

It’s been a while since my last post and I’m feeling quite like a caveman, out of touch with the whole world. I’ve been holed up at home for quite some time now, going out only when necessary. I haven’t even gone out to get a haircut (badly needed, by the way). I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I’ve been feeling so detached lately.

Or maybe I do know. Work is the only thing that’s keeping me busy these past few months and I guess my routine’s getting old. I think I need to get a hobby or something. I don’t even go out for my nocturnal walks anymore (partly because the weather is so unpredictable).

I should change things. No. I will change things.

And I’ll start by going out tonight. And maybe thinking about which hobby to take on.

When a friendship falls apart, I think we die a little inside. This is true especially for people who do not take friendships lightly. I am one of those people.

I am friendly but very selective with friends. It sounds contradictory, but it only means that I get along well with most people, but only let a few really become part of my life. And I’m happy to say that I’ve been truly blessed when it comes to friends.

That’s why it distresses me so much that one of those cherished friendships is starting to fall apart… a friendship shared with one that I treat like my own sister. What’s more distressing is that the cause is really very trivial.

I do not want to lose this friend, I really don’t. But I’m not so sure she feels the same way about me. Friendship is based on reciprocity… you cannot call someone your friend if he /she doesn’t consider you one. And she’s ignoring me like it was I who did something wrong.

The last time I had a falling out with a friend was back in college… but we were able to renew our friendship after we graduated. I am hoping that this will happen, too. We’ve been through a lot, we were there for each other during hard times… and I don’t want all that to go to waste.

I really hope she feels the same way.

…is blaming your parents for the wrong decisions you make.

While it is true that dysfunctional parents can damage you for life, I believe that when you reach a certain age, or a certain awareness, the power to shape your life rests in your hands. How would you take all the pain that your parents caused you? Would you use it as an inspiration to be stronger and better? Or would you keep on using it as an excuse whenever you mess up your life?

…is saying sorry, and then doing it again. And again. And again. And then asking for a LAST chance every single time.

The word LAST does not need further explanation. What do you think the people you’re saying sorry to would do? Everyone has a limit, and the people who love you are no exception.

…is saying your life would have no meaning if you don’t get what you want.

Then I am truly sorry for you, because if your faith in God isn’t enough to give your life meaning, you will never be able to bounce back.

…practically summarizes all the things you said to me.

Yet, I still love you very much, so much that whenever you do stupid things it hurts me like hell. And I hate myself because I feel so powerless because you no longer listen to anyone, even to me.

So I still hope that you’ll change, that you’ll see things differently… that you won’t just acknowledge that you’re wrong, but summon the guts to actually do something about it.

I still hope and pray… for your sake.

A very dear friend just lost her dad. We haven’t been in touch for a while so I was shocked when she texted me that her dad passed away. I called her up, wanting to console her, to ease her grief even just a little, but I couldn’t seem to find the right words to say… but then again, maybe there is no such thing as “right words” at a time like this. Even so…

Soulmate, I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I just want to let you know that I love you and I am always here for you. Always.

March 7th was a memorable day for me. I saw my high school batchmates again after ten years! We held a very informal and fun-filled reunion at the Ocean View Beach Resort in Olongapo. Special thanks to the ones who really worked hard to make it happen ^_^

High school wasn’t really easy for me, mainly because I moved from one school to another and we were having serious problems at home. I found a second home in KHS, and a second family in my classmates, teachers, and schoolmates.

It’s easy to forget these things when you get caught up in life’s hustle and bustle, this I am guilty of. I’m just really glad that I got to see them again, and even after all these years, they’re still so easy to be with. As long as there’s Red Horse, of course (haha, just kidding!).

See you guys in December! ^_^

Great cake! Nevermind the misspelling hehe ^_^

Our constant companion since high school ;-)

L-R: Jeremiah, Edleen, Myleen (standing), Mae, Roldan A., and Gemma with her pretty daughter

With Bes Awe

L-R: Chris, Tata, Awe, Jeremiah, Laila, Dan A., Gemma, Edz

the whole gang

 

L-R: Roldan R., Awe, Edz, and Patvi

Chris, Edz, Marvin, Neri, Tata, and Mark

L-R: Chris, Mike, Mye, Dan A., Jun Ely, Jameson, Edz, Jameson's cuz, and Mae with hubby

*You can find all the reunion pictures here:

http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?uid=17579038&a=882382589 (Courtesy of Roldan A.)

… I used to always cry and give up …

I nearly went the wrong way …

But you …

You showed me the right way …

I was always chasing you …

… Wanting to overtake you …

… I just wanted to walk with you …

I wanted to be with you …

You changed me!

Your smile saved me!

So I’m not afraid to die protecting you!!

Because I …

Love you …

- Hinata to Naruto

Got this from Mayeng. It’s fun ^_^

RULES/REGLAMENTOS:

1. Put your MP3 player, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag at least 10 friends (make me #11 so I can see your results).

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?

- Goodbye to You, Michelle Branch (taray ha!)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

- Sober, Jennifer Paige (how true! Haha)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

- Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis (parang mali)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

- You Don’t Know Me, Rebecca Paris (?) (di pa tapos magtaray hehe)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

- Vogue, Madonna (haha! baka Vague :)))

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?

- Love Will Come to You, Indigo Girls (swak ah)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

- Single Ladies, Beyonce (ano ba hehe)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

- Circle, Sarah Mclachlan (circle, as in, bilog hehe)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

- I Still Believe, Mariah Carey

WHAT IS 2 + 2?

- There She Goes, Sixpence None the Richer (Mahina talaga ako sa math eh, so alis na lang ako hehe)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

- Ghost, Indigo Girls (scary!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

- Sleeping Satellite, Tasmin Archer (not really, I’m not in the habit of blaming people =P)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

- A Thousand Miles, Vanessa Carlton (hopefully, thousands of miles away)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

- Ice, Sarah Mclachlan (the ice is thin, come on dive in…)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

- Standing Right Next to Me, Karla Bonoff (exactly what I wanted to dance to ^_^)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

- Crucify, Tori Amos (wag naman, hehe)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

- Torn, Natalie Imbruglia (huh?)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

- Gimme More, Britney Spears

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

- Because of You, Kelly Clarkson

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

- Possession, Sarah Mclachlan

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

- My Valentine, Martina McBride (haha, sila nga ang valentine ko!)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

- Stars Are Blind, Paris Hilton (oops, nabisto tuloy na may paris hilton sa playlist haha)

I’m free.

I know this is long overdue. Several times I thought it was over, only to go back to square one. But now, it’s for real. I’m finally free. Free of any romantic emotional attachment. Unbelievable, isn’t it?

I’ve been  searching my heart these past few months and found … nothing. I am grateful and relieved that the years of pining is now over, but, I also find this freedom a little disconcerting. I guess this is what happens when you get used to feeling a certain way for someone for a long time. 

I feel a little empty, but truly glad …  and ready for a new chapter in my life.

This is what I felt last Saturday when I was with the girls. Thirteen years is a long time and in that period we’ve grown, made other friends, fought our own battles, and lived our own lives. But even now, there’s still a bond that connects us to one another. It’s almost imperceptible, because unlike other “barkada” we don’t regularly spend time together. In fact, there was even a time when we lost touch for a couple of years. But when we do see each other, it’s always the same thing … like we were still silly high school girls, stalking our crushes, picking Indian mangoes and avocados, and jumping from rooftops.

We had lunch at Kimono Ken (love the food here!) and did some catching up. We originally planned to go videoke-ing but after we started talking we decided to just stay in the restaurant. Or so we thought. We reminisced about our previous get-togethers, and how our plan to go to Tagaytay for our birthday celebration never pushed through. Right then and there we decided to go on a road trip and have dinner in Tagaytay. It was just like the old days, when after school we would suddenly decide to go to my house, or Mayeng’s, or Sileng’s, or Cleng’s. We stopped by Mayeng’s place to borrow some jackets, print a map, and to ask permission from Mayeng’s mom. I could see she was surprised and maybe a bit worried. I guess she still sees us as kids … it’s understandable, after all, the four of us are in agreement that whenever we’re together we feel like nothing’s changed. 

We picked up Chester (Mayeng’s better half and Bubu’s daddy) on the way and that’s when things started to go wrong. We’re all convinced that he has a huge birthmark on his tushy haha (just kidding!). The car’s engine overheated and we had to stop at a gas station somewhere in Alabang. Although that was the end of our road trip and we had to wait for a few hours before the knights in shining armor—Mogs (Sileng’s better half) and his friend—arrived, we really, truly, had fun. We took a lot of pictures to make up for the previous get-togethers when we didn’t take any. We also got to meet Cleng’s, erm, “friend” who very sweetly offered to give us a ride home. 

I can’t remember what brought us four together, but whatever it was, I’m eternally grateful.

I’m so looking forward to our next Tagaytay road trip, and hopefully this time we’ll reach our destination. ^_^